If you had asked me seven years ago if I would be the person searching the web for conversation prompts to use on date night, I would have said “no way, I can think of plenty to talk about.” But reality is, 7 years of marriage and 2 kids later, I often don’t have the energy to initiate meaningful conversation because I’ve barely managed to throw makeup on and find a clean outfit to wear on date night. I find myself wracking my brain in silence, for things to talk about. And I don’t mean just talking about the weather. Alone time is rare when you have kids, and so using that time purposefully to grow together and get in sync is important.
I decided to compile a list of questions that I find to be quality conversation starters. So many of the lists out there seem rather silly to me, or sound too much like therapy and result in too much critical feedback which inevitably puts tension on the evening rather than a sense of closeness.
I hope you find these helpful, both in the short and long term. The first two are just to break the ice that may form after that initial “Hey babe, I brought a list of questions for us.”
- What 5 words would you choose to sum up who you are? (Have your spouse add one word after you list five.)
- If you could instantly acquire one skill, what would it be?
- What do you wish we did more of as a couple/family?
- What do you wish we did less of as a couple/family?
- What area of our life or relationship could use a little more adventure?
- Who do you think models good parenting? What is most admirable about their example?
- Who do you think models a healthy marriage? What is most attractive about their example?
- As a couple/family are we more invested in our eternal home or our earthly one? What are some ways we could use our time, finances, talents to invest more in eternity?
- When you think of the future, what are the first 3 things you look forward to or hope for?
- When it comes to the future, is there anything that you fear or worry about?
- Have you felt discouraged recently? In what way?
- How have you been encouraged recently?
- How have you felt challenged to grow/make an effort to change? What actions can you take to move toward that? How can I help you with this?
- If God could do one big thing in your heart/life what would you want it to be? Have you been in prayer for this? (Take time to pray together about this)
- If our love story were written, what would be its title? (source)
- What things do I do for you that refresh you the most? (source)
- How can I be more of an encouragement to you?
- What have you learned to appreciate about me that you didn’t know when we first married? (source)
- How would you rate your satisfaction with our sex life on a scale of 1-5? 1 being dissatisfied and 5 being “over the moon.” What would each of us need to do to improve this rating?
- Take this quiz (you’ll need 2 copies) about the 5 Love Languages. You’ll be surprised at the results and it leads to some great discussion. (source)
Humble Faith Family Wellness has another great resource for questions.
It’s so good to communicate our expectations rather than assume that our spouse is on the same page.